Personal Testimony

coming out to my parents – a submission

Angie sent us the following message recently –

I’m 18 years old soon, I’m in a relationship with someone I know I want to spend my life with, we are very committed to each other.  My parents and family is very strict with how I should live my life and who I should be but the truth is I’m a lesbian and I can’t change that even though I’ve tried,  I don’t want to hurt my family in anyway but I can’t live a lie for the rest of my life and I’m in the situation now that after I turn 18 I want to move in with my girlfriend but I don’t know how to tell my parents,  so if someone could please help me I’d really appreciate it. Thank you. 


Sarbat’s response was the following

Dear Angie

Thank you for your email.

Yours is a familiar story and we can fully relate to your situation.

It always best to be honest to your parents. It can be very daunting when it comes to coming out. A lot of people, myself included, found it very difficult when telling your parents that you are gay or lesbian.

We fear the reaction that we may get from our parents as well as possible rejection.  However, in reality, this rarely happens.  You will find that by telling your parents, it will be an enormous sense of relief.

You quite rightly point out that it would be wrong to live a lie. This would bring unhappiness to yourself, and to all of those around you.  The sooner you tell your parents, the sooner they can begin to come to terms with it.

It may take time for your parents to fully accept everything and it is important that you allow them this.

Like mine, your family is very strict.  But, please do not let this stop you from being honest with them.  You are your own person and you are the one living your life, not your parents. You will have to make this clear to them.

Our parents come from a generation where they are often more concerned with what others think rather than our own happiness.  Thankfully, this is changing. We are now living in times where being gay or lesbian is more accepted than ever before. There is no excuse to get married against our will and live a lie. Those days should be long over.

I faced the same difficulties as yourself but my parents accepted that I am gay and that ultimately it was my happiness that was most important.

You will need to find a time that is right for you. Try not to get too anxious about it all. The event is never as bad as you imagine it will be.

I hope this helps. Please feel free to write back if you have any questions or concerns.  Good luck and I hope everything works out well for you and your partner.

Kind regards


On behalf of Sarbat


(Name of sender changed)

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