- Saturday 10th March (Soho)

- Saturday 14th April (Vaisakhi in West London)

- Saturday 23rd June (Vauxhall)

- Saturday 7th July (London Pride)

- Saturday 1st September (Brighton Pride) and Sunday 2nd September (London Mela)

Hope to see you all at some point over the coming months!

Here are the details:

- Date – Sunday 11th December

- Venue – Costa Coffee on Old Compton Street, W1D 5JX

- Time – 3pm to 4.30pm

If you wanr to meet us at the theatre instead, the details are:

- Venue – Arts Theatre London, Great Newport Street, WC2H 7JB

- Time – 5pm start

You can buy your tickets at:

http://www.lovetheatre.com/artstheatre/dates/2398/Ida-Barrs-Festive-Bingo

For more information about the show, visit http://www.artstheatrewestend.co.uk/category/shows/winter

Hope to see you then, and don’t forget the tinsel and mistletoe!

This week, I join my fellow Sikhs around the world in celebrating the birth of Guru Nanak, a mystic poet, saint and revolutionary who was born in Punjab in 1469 and went on to found our faith.

Our history tells us that when he was about 30 years old, Guru Nanak disappeared for three days while bathing in a river. When he emerged, he stated, Na koi Hindu, Na Koi Mussalman — There is no Hindu, there is no Muslim.

This provocative statement wasn’t intended to be a critique of Hinduism or Islam. As Sikh scholar Nikki Guninder Kaur states, “Guru Nanak was not making a value judgment about, nor refuting, the religious life of the Hindus and Muslims of his day. He was pointing to the oneness of the Transcendent that translates into the oneness and equality of humanity.”

Guru Nanak saw religious divisions and rigidity as obstacles to the Divine. South Asia at the time was under the rule of the Mughal Empire, which was often at odds with the Hindu population. He saw a society brimming with hypocrisy, intolerance, caste oppression and sexism, all in the name of God. Guru Nanak traveled around Asia and the Middle East engaging the people he met about questions of God, religion, injustice and love, while singing his devotional poetry, accompanied by a Muslim musician, Bhai Mardana.

Five hundred and forty-two years after his birth, Guru Nanak’s message is more important than ever, as we as human beings grapple with rampant discrimination in its many forms. We Sikhs pride ourselves on being champions of equality and justice, inspired by the legacy of Guru Nanak.

Earlier this year, I was quite disappointed when the World Sikh Council, a “representative and elected body of Sikh Gurdwaras [Sikh houses of worship] and institutions in the US,” joined with other faith-based institutions to essentially champion injustice instead of equality. The organization lobbied President Obama to uphold the so-called “Defense of Marriage Act” (DOMA), a federal law that defines marriage as only between a man and woman. After the Obama Administration took a principled stance against DOMA in February, the World Sikh Council went so far as to co-sign a letter of protest to House Speaker John Boehner denouncing his decision.

While I take issue with the state having a role in defining what is and isn’t a legitimate relationship in general (and one’s romantic relationship defining whether or not they have access to certain legal protections and social services), it is nevertheless disheartening to see a Sikh institution — representing the legacy of Guru Nanak — aligning itself with such reactionary and anti-gay ideology, when Sikhism itself is a freedom-seeking, loving, open-minded philosophy and way of life.

Ik Onkar are the first words (written by Guru Nanak himself) in the Guru Granth Sahib, the Sikh scriptures, and the center of what it means to be a Sikh: Oneness of the Divine, Oneness of the Divine’s creation, Oneness of humanity. Our Gurus and our ancestors put everything on the line to establish a world that is inclusive of all people, religions and ways of life — a world in which all people were equal.

The World Sikh Council appears, in this case, to be fighting for a world quite contrary to this vision. As I reflect on the fact that the Senate Judiciary Committee began debating the bill to repeal DOMA one week before Guru Nanak’s birthday, I find myself frustrated by the discriminatory actions of some who claim to speak for my community.

In some ways, the World Sikh Council reflects the homophobia I’ve witnessed in the Sikh community, which sometimes takes the form of someone saying, “This is not our issue,” as if to imply that all Sikhs are heterosexual or that we’re only concerned about some people’s oppression and suffering, but not all.

To the first point, sadly, just as in other religious communities, we have sometimes forced LGBT Sikhs to choose between their religion and their hearts. Clearly, this is not a dichotomy that should ever exist in Sikhism (or any religion for that matter).

To the second point, there’s an important concept in Sikhism called Sarbat da Bhala, which means working for the welfare and well-being of all people. This is a spiritual obligation for us Sikhs. We recite these words countless times, as they conclude one of the central Sikh prayers, Ardas (meaning “petition”).

Fortunately, many Sikhs are indeed embodying these words we say so often. A few months after the shooting and killing of two elderly Sikh men in Sacramento, Calif., in March, the Sacramento Sikh Temple offered a reward of $1,000 for information leading to the arrest of the perpetrator of a violent anti-gay hate attack in the same neighborhood. Twenty-six-year-old Seth Parker was punched in the face, suffering multiple facial fractures, while the attackers directed anti-gay slurs at him.

A spokesperson for the Gurdwara stated: “The Sikh Community condemns this disgusting attack motivated by ignorance and hate. In light of the recent murders of two Sikhs in Elk Grove and the hate crime conviction in Yolo County (of two men who attacked a Sikh taxi driver), we are especially sensitive to such crimes. We hope that our reward will help bring these criminals to justice.”

Now this is the kind of solidarity that is at the heart of what it means to be a Sikh.

Guru Nanak states: Jaano Jot Na Puucho, Jaati Aagai Jaat Na Hai — Recognize the Divine light within all, and do not consider social class or status; there are no classes or castes in the world hereafter.

The oppression of LGBT people is one of the most pervasive and accepted forms of subjugation today. Indeed, many individuals and institutions deem LGBT people a lower class or caste, justifying their discrimination with dogmatic rhetoric of what’s “natural,” “normal” and, in the case of the World Sikh Council’s letter to Speaker Boehner, what are true “American values.” This is no different than saying turbans are not truly American, so Sikhs should not be allowed to wear them in public. Oppression is oppression. Our struggles are intertwined.

Just as Guru Nanak said hundreds of years ago, “There is no Hindu, there is no Muslim,” perhaps today we can also say, “There is no straight, there is no gay.” Indeed, his message was ultimately that we are all One.

The details are:

- Date – Saturday 19th November 2011

- Time – 6pm to 6.30pm

- Meeting Point – Costa Coffee, 72 Uxbridge Road, London W12 8LP

We shall then move on to Shepherd’s Bush Gurdwara, possibly followed by a trip to the cinema or dinner at Westfields (depending on the general consensus).

Please join us to mark the occasion, and we look foward to seeing you there.

If you are unable to make it to the meeting point and wish to join us later in the evening, please feel free to call the Sarbat hotline (it will be switched on from 1pm on the day) – 07869 429610.

Gurpurb di lakh lakh vidai hovey.

- Saturday 19th November 2011 - Guru Nanak Dev Ji’s Gurpurb meeting

- Sunday 11th December 2011 - Sarbat’s Christmas dinner

- Saturday 14th January 2012 - discussing Sarbat’s aims and objectives for 2012

Further information regarding times and locations will be posted on the website in the coming weeks.

As always, if you have any queries, please email us at info@sarbat.net

The details are as follows:

- Date – 9th October 2011

- Time – 3pm onwards

- Venue – basement of Costa Coffee, 39 Old Compton Street, Soho, London W1D 5JT

We shall be going for dinner at about 5.30pm, so please join us if you can. If you need to contact us on the day, please call us on 07869 429610 to find our location. The phone will be manned from 2pm onwards on the day. For further information, email us at info@sarbat.net.

Hope to see you all there!

Date – Sunday 4th September

Time – 2pm onwards, meeting at the Classical Stage

Venue – Gunnersbury Park, W3

If you are running late, or wish to join us later, please ring us on 07869 429610 to find our location. The phone will be manned from 1pm onwards on the day. For further information, email us at info@sarbat.net.

Hope to see you all there.

UK Black Pride is the biggest ethnic minority LGBT event in Europe.

For more information about the event, visit http://www.ukblackpride.org.uk/

Tickets are £11 each (£10 + £1 booking fee).

Please join us there for food, fun and (hopefully) sunshine!

- Time – 7pm

- Venue – Brunei Gallery, SOAS, University of London, Thornhaugh Street, Russell Square, London, WC1H 0XG

- Meeting Point – Foyer to the Gallery

August’s Sarbat Social will be a trip to the first major exhibition on Sikhism for the last decade. The exhibition, GT1588, is a celebration of the history of the Golden Temple and includes rare and never-before-seen exhibits including some of the very first photographs of the Golden Temple.

The tour will start at 7pm sharp, so please be on time. We shall be having dinner nearby after the tour.

The exhibition will also look at the contributions made to the Golden Temple by Sikhs, Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Buddhists, and many others. As such, this Sarbat Social is open to everyone, Sikh and non-Sikh alike.

The exhibition closes on 25th September 2011, so if you cannot make it to the Sarbat Social this month, please feel free to visit GT1588 when you can. For more info about the exhibition, visit http://goldentemple1588.co​m/resource/exhibitions/

For more info, please email info@sarbat.net, or call 07869 429610

11th July 2011

There is the rose. The English rose.  It is beautiful, sensual and represents all that is elegant and fragrant of what a flower ought to be.  It is symbolic of a great nation.  It is seen and used by many as an emblem.  There are a number of varieties but the red rose is greatly favoured among others.

Now there are other flowers as well, which are equally sensual, tropical, beautiful, and bring great pleasure to many.  Some say only the rose can bring pleasure like no other flower.  But we have seen there are a variety of flowers, and when bunched together, they all look beautiful.

So are God’s creatures. We have the yellow skinned, black, brown, light brown, children, women, men, tall men, short men, fat men, fat women, tall women, heterosexuals, homosexuals, Sikhs, Christians, Muslims…  All beautiful in their own right, but when put in a bunch of others like flowers they are even more fragrant and beautiful.   When left alone because they are single parents, suffering, homosexuals, etc. Like flowers, they wonder and wither and waver and struggle alone.

Like flowers, our creator wanted us to be all together to learn and share, whatever the colour of our petals, because we are all His gracious creatures.  It is no use for the orchard to pretend and struggle to be like the rose, because then as a rose she would be the symbol of the nation, brought by millions on Valentines day and celebrated. The orchard may struggle and even try, but it would be no use as she will still be an orchard. However, the orchard is still beautiful, is still elegant and will be even more respected if she stays as an orchard to true to herself and her faith.

Why am I writing this when I am a happily married mother of two?  I have a few nephews, and I think one of them may be what others have described as ‘confused’.  I suspect he is bisexual or homosexual.  As a ‘massi’ I love him and want the best for him forever.  I want him to be true to himself  and  I cannot say this to him,  but I can write it, and write it for all the other nephews I have,  for I do not now distinguish between my worldly family and spiritual family as a Sikh.  Be true to yourself and do not destroy a girl’s life by trying to fit in to the pressures of society.   It is far better to live the life you want than to live for others and struggle with your own life.  Just imagine if, when Sikhs came to the UK decades ago, they lived the life of what English people wanted?  We would have no Sikh faith or Gurdwaras in the UK.  Have the same courage as those Sikhs.  In the end, God created the bunch of flowers, not a single red rose.  All his flowers are beautiful and precious to him.

Date – 2nd July 2011

Meeting Point – outside Great Portland Street tube between 11am and 11.30am

Dress code – Plain white/light coloured t-shirt or traditional top, jeans, pink dupatta, turquoise blue turban (the turban and dupatta materials will be provided by ourselves). Please note that the dress code is not mandatory, but the more people who are wearing matching outfits, the better we will look as a group and the more that we can show our unity in numbers.

The Parade participants shall have assembled at Portland Place by 12.30pm.

The Parade commences at the north end of Regent Street at 1.15pm, and it shall finish by 4pm at Northumberland Ave.

We will be handing out flyers and leaflets during the course of the Parade.

If you are running late, or can only join the Parade once it has started, please call Sarbat on 07869 429610 on the day of Pride and we will be able to tell you where to join us.

If you have any queries, please email us at pride@sarbat.net.

Together, we can show that we exist and that we are proud of our identity, Sikh and gay alike.

- Date – Saturday 18th June 2011

- Time – 1pm onwards

- Venue – Starbucks Coffee, 62 Uxbridge Road, Shepherd’s Bush, London, W12 8LP

We shall be discussing our preparations for London Pride 2011, as well as the recent discussion on the Sikh Channel about homosexuality and homophobia.

Hope to see you then.

Sarbat would like to commend the Sikh Channel for raising the issue. Whilst our views on the topic are perhaps obvious, we welcome any and all opportunities for discussions to take place in a respectful manner, even with individuals who believe that Sikhi does not or cannot condone or tolerate homosexuality.

We at Sarbat hope that there will be further opportunities to have such reasoned discussions.

We at Sarbat have had an impressive first 12 months of Sarbat Socials in London, and we want our success to be replicated all over the world, from Auckland to Amritsar. If you are interested in setting up Sarbat Socials in your own locality, please email us at info@sarbat.net for more information and assistance.

Waheguru di kirpa de naal, the next 12 months shall be just as momentous as the previous year.

The last 12 months of Sarbat Socials have been amazing, and it has been down to the support received from our members all around the world. We have had over 50 people attend our meetings since our inception, and we have managed to raise the profile of LGBT Sikhs as well as provide appropriate support to those in need.

In order to thank everyone for their ongoing involvement and support, we will be having a belated birthday party for Sarbat on 21st May 2011. Please make it if you can. Click here for more information.

We have been given kind permission to republish it on our website.

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I could do a mini-series of interviews with Kanwar (Sikh Knowledge) he just has so many ideas and well rounded thoughts. He’s one of those artists, where you can give him any topic, he will have something to say and there’s a profound message behind his thoughts. For the past two days, I’ve had some of his tracks on replay and I feel the way he uses particular words could best describe the darker days of his childhood. Where his innocence was robbed from him at a very young age, his coming out and coming to terms with his sexuality. I’m very grateful he took the time to tell a complete stranger, a journalist, for that matter, his story. If you didn’t know much about Sikh Knowledge before this interview, you’ll walk away knowing the true definition of a warrior –  Kanwar Anit Singh Saini

Petz: I’m very impressed how you stepped out on stage and mention how you were proud, gay Sikh man at Non Stop Bhangra (Monthly Bhangra party in San Francisco, California) did people approach you after your set?

Kanwar: Surprisingly no. I was hanging out after the performance, I saw a few people pointing and whispering around me. A few people came up just to say, what’s up! One dude addressed it, but he was more connected to me by the fact he was from Montreal. No one really seemed to care. I felt it was necessary to mention it because most of the shows, I do are festivals and rallies with a political tinge to it. And this was a Non Stop Bhangra show, something I’ve never done before! I felt the need to mention it, although some of my music is danceable, there’s a message behind it. It sort of just came out to the audience. I just think everyone wanted to dance and to have a good time.

Petz: As a child, when did you start feeling different from the other children?

Kanwar: Right off the bat! I was somewhat of a “bubble boy” which means I always had some sort of allergy from being away from home too long, I was always creative, I was attached to my sisters, I was so different in that respect. Intellectually, I always did things differently compared to the other kids. I was always beat boxing on my way to school. In terms of my sexuality, on a certain level I always knew, but like I said, the sexual abuse confused things for me. As soon as we hit 8, 9, 10, we have a Meta awareness of ourselves, maybe even earlier then that. When the abuse started, my Meta awareness of myself, I explained these feelings being a result of the abuse, when later in life I realized it wasn’t a result of being sexually abused at all. I was confused with the reasons why I felt this way, but indelibly, found out there’s no reasons why, that’s just the way it is. It took my own self-awareness to separate the abuse from who I am. I was introduced to sex way too early, let’s just put it that way.

Petz: Do you get annoyed when people tie sexual abuse to homosexuality?

Kanwar: Oh totally! I’m not going to lie; my family did that when I first came out. They did out of fear, my sister approached me a couple of times and tried to make me realize it was because of the abuse. I realized they were just saying that because they needed a reason because they’re not me, so they just didn’t understand it. After awhile, they just accepted it for what it was. They saw beyond the sexual abuse. It really aggravates me when people assume you’re gay because you were abused. Sexual abuse itself is a monster, especially when it’s an old person and young person. I remember reading statistically, a couple of years back, how attention is attention, and a child who might have homosexual inclination might give off these susceptible signals to predators. The numbers of those being sexually abuse, who are gay, are just higher because of those reasons, not because of the abuse itself. Of course that’s just a statistic and even statistics can be way off. From me, it kind of resonates, like I said I was a bubble boy and very sensitive. I think when my abuse started, the root of it was basically attention, I loved the fact attention was being showered on me. Abuse isn’t always physically pain, a lot of it is being too young to know that the pleasure you’re feeling is completely fucking you up. That was completely inappropriate and not meant for me to experienced or showered on me in any way, shape or form. It really disturbs me when people compound my sexuality to the sexual abuse. Or abusers and homosexuality, abusers exist in many areas; there are heterosexual abusers as well, so it’s very different. If someone finds out your gay, they may never want to leave their kid with you again. It makes it difficult to adopt a child. It aggravates me for sure.

Petz: What happen to your abuser?

Kanwar: It’s fucked up, nothing happen. I blew the whistle on the abuse that I was experiencing and perpetuating. I’ll be honest about that; I was kid and a property edition as well. At some point, at the age of 16 or 17, I saw my whole family down and I told them everything. I blew the whistle on everything. My immediate family knows who the abuser is, my father knows who the abuser is and I know who the abuser is. The abuser knows who the abuser is and he knows that others know too. What’s funny is that, my abuser has never come to me to try to seek forgiveness. I haven’t made my peace with that person, but I made my peace with who I am. And who I am in relation to this abuse, especially it being known to my family. That’s huge and that’s really enough for me. This person, it’s funny, our parents generation has a weird way dealing with these issues, which we might consider very weird. It’s not that they don’t choose to talk about these things, but in fact for them breaking relations off with somebody is a very bad thing. Especially if the reason is something like this, they might not actually understand. In this instance, my abuser was my dad’s nephew. For my dad to break off the connection with that family, my dad just probably doesn’t understand, how he can do that and doesn’t know what to say. Which is sad, it’s not something I would do with my kid, but we have to understand they come from a different time and place. Just look at Monsoon Wedding, I would love it, if that was my life. If my father figure protected me in that way, that’s just not reality for a lot of people, it wasn’t a reality for me. I’m not living a fairy tale either, but thing is I can be loud about it, piss people off in the process and that’s fantastic to me.

Petz: When you were a kid, did you try to date girls just to fit in?

Kanwar: (laughs) I did, I had a girlfriend in grade 2. As I got older, I remember I tried to be intimate once or twice, not even just to fit in, but more just to prove to myself that I wasn’t gay. This was before shit hit the fan, I was really young, but I never tried to date girls just to fit in. I think I asked somebody out once, it lasted a night. (laughs). That was the end of that.

Petz: As you mention before, it is a long and difficult road out for a lot of folks out there in the Desi community to come to terms with their sexuality. And how you came out, it’s definitely different from other coming stories, because you blew the whistle on the abuse you endured as a child. From that point to your family developing a sense of acceptance to who you are, what happen in between? What made them come to terms with your sexuality?

Kanwar: I don’t think it’s acceptance for some people, I think if you are going to be a family member to Kanwar Anit Singh Saini, you are just going to have to deal with the fact I’m not going to care what you say. I’m lucky my family stuck around, I basically said, fuck you, I’m going to be who I want to be. Let’s just say my dad, this isn’t the ideal situation for his son. If you have a kid, think about it logically, you want your kid to succeed in “life” and you want your kid to have every opportunity to succeed. The reality is that includes not being gay, that’s a minority, if you are rallying for the maximum success for your off spring, obviously you are going to opt for them to be normative. So in terms for accepting, I think for somebody like my dad, he even says it himself, as long as my education is locked down then he just doesn’t care. I don’t think I could use the word acceptance with him. He tolerates who I am. For my sisters, on the other hand, who grew up in the western world, who know these terms, they accepted me. It’s a non-issue with them. My nieces are down with me, they are super proud of me. One of my nieces told me I was cooler because of who I am. (laughs) If I can take a handful of Punjabi kids and desensitize from this hetero normative macho crap that goes on in modern, pop, bhangra, movies and shit then I win. Between that point and now, my sisters are great, my dad is ok with it, but he comes from a different time and place. I can’t really blame him for that.

Petz: There are some people out there, in the Sikh community, who are still struggling coming to terms with their sexuality. They feel like they can’t be gay, lesbian, bi-sexual or transgender, because it makes them a “bad” Sikh. What are some ways you overcame your guilt or is that still a work in progress?

Kanwar: I guess a few words on Sikhism, my name is Sikh Knowledge as an artist, and I got this name from a Black Jewish friend of mine. I didn’t give myself this name, because I was Sikh; my black Jewish friend had a double entendre and just gave me this name years ago. So people often approach me and think I know a lot about Sikhism. I do know a thing or two, this is the number one argument, and people say it’s against Sikhism because they assume it to be hypersexual. From what I understand, within the frameworks of Sikhi, to move away from worldly attachments, which includes sexuality is basically the goal in life. It’s not the sexual preference, it’s sexuality in general, and that people should be moving away from – under that framework.  Even heterosexuals are anti-Sikhi, the difference is preference and it’s not the amount of desire one has for the act. In terms of Sikhi, I just say its sexuality; people should be moving away from, if that’s your argument. Another argument that often comes up – it’s unnatural. To love another human being, is that unnatural? I don’t think so. We have to look into these arguments, when someone says it’s unnatural, what they are referring to is anal sex. They are referring penetrating in the asshole. What you have to realize, this isn’t the end all and be all of what it means to be gay. The goal isn’t anal sex. That’s very wrong, because people have sexual preferences, it doesn’t mean they all fall into this “anal sex” category. There are many gay people out there, who don’t have penetrating sex; they just need the companionship of the same sex. What about lesbians who don’t have penises to penetrate each other, the underline assumption – gay people are just running around looking to penetrate something else or be penetrated. Which is so stupid, foolish and it’s a big misconception. It’s so King James, because King James wrote the bible and that shit went all over the world, and then everyone wrote laws against homosexual at some point in history. Sikhism was founded on inclusive principals. So when some people use it to exclude anybody, not even gay people, just anybody – I resent the hell out of that. Right then and there, they are being preachy. I find that to be the antisepsis of the faith.

Petz: Do you think the younger Punjabi community lacks knowledge and acceptance towards the LGBT Punjabis out there?

Kanwar: Hell yeah! I told you Punjabi Sikh culture is hetero normative and too macho for it’s own good. If I had a function in arts, other than music, it would be desensitizing these idiots to what it means to be a human being. Which is basically what I am. Are they ignorant to it? Yessssss! Sooooo ignorant to it. Think about it, when do we often get exposed to different types of people? University. What happens in University? People group themselves into cliques; there will be a Punjabi clique, a Hindu clique, and a Gujarati clique – people stick to their own cliques. It’s familiar; it’s a homely feeling, it’s funny HA HA. What ends up happening to their detriment, they become less cultured as people. This isn’t an absolute truth, even in the Diaspora, people can grow up not ignorant and just knowing their own, not experiencing the world for what it is. They need to come to terms with this fact that gay people come from this world. 10% of people in this world are gay, I don’t care what culture you’re from, I don’t care what President Ahmadinejad says, how gay people don’t exist in Iran, of course there’s gay people in Iran. Trust me, they do exist. It’s foolish.

Petz: What would you like to do to bring awareness to the community?

Kanwar: Be me, just like every one else should be themselves.  I will just be me, if that can bring awareness, I’m not one to go wave my flag in anyone’s face. I don’t want someone to wave their flag in my face. I will just be there, be me and do the stuff I’m supposed to do. I love producing, I love making music, I love my other career – I love all these things. Just by being me, if I can desensitize these people – fantastic! I’m not at the point yet, where I will march anywhere and infringe or push it in people’s faces. That’s up to them to accept me, one day I might be treating them in the hospital or their kid in the hospital – who will have the last laugh? I’m still a human being, people just need to accept for what is what.

Petz: I love your music, especially the track you did with Humble the Poet, Singh with Me. How will you take your sexuality and compose it into a rhyme?

Kanwar: I talk to Humble about this often, about how I can incorporate this part of myself into lyrics, without being so overt about it. If I had an album, I would probably address in a song or two. When your rhyming, basically hip-hop tracks aren’t about anything at all. Humble the Poet, is one of the emcees I know who can stay on topic; he can have a lot of rhymes on one topic. If I were to incorporate it, I would incorporate it, the way I corporate my views on Israel/Palestine. In other songs, where I just rhyme for the sake of rhyming, I can still incorporate my views in on metaphor. In our song “Slick Slick” I say something like, spark the night, with no reason like Israel. Right then, I’m bashing Israel for whatever my beliefs are, but I just said it in a simply assembly or rhyme. I do actually have a rhyme on Humble the Poet’s last album, on this song “Middle Ring Pinky” I end up saying something like, Knowledge the boggy, iconoclastically breaking fag perception. I’ll incorporate it in my rhymes, like I’m a regular hetero emcee.

Petz: This has been a wonderful interview; I believe people out there will feel truly inspired by your story. We are truly blessed to have you open up the way you did. I’m truly blown away by you. Thank you once again Kanwar.

Kanwar: Don’t mention it. It was great, thank you for letting me speak my mind.

The next Sarbat Socials will be taking place on 20th March 2011 and 9th April 2011.

Our first Sarbat Social took place in April 2010, and this April will mark our first anniversary. We have events planned in April and May to commemorate this landmark, including a birthday party at a venue in Soho (to be confirmed).

Sarbat depends on the support of you, its members. Without you, Sarbat would not be the success it is. Thank you.

We have been given kind permission to republish it on our website.

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Kanwar (Sikh Knowledge) talks about his self-mutilation and suicidal tendencies

This has to be one of the most candid interviews I’ve ever done. Kanwar Anit Singh Saini also known as Sikh Knowledge, underground producer and artist, let me into his world where he spoke openly about being gay, his suicidal/self-mutilation tendencies and sexual abuse. As much as some choose to ignore these important issues that plague our community behind close doors, it’s important we talk about them. I would like to thank Kanwar for speaking openly about these issues, let’s us all continue to talk about them and not turn a blind eye on these matters.

Petz: How has suicide affected your life?

Kanwar: I think suicide plays a role in a lot of gay people’s lives, especially through the coming out process. I know a lot of gay people who have contemplated it, when they were coming out, especially at younger ages. The first generation as well, who are from North America, but whose families are immigrants. It’s difficult because it’s a compromise, everything you have, which is essentially your family. The first generations aren’t as established, as the North American general heritage counterparts. It’s impacted my life only for the better; obviously I’m still here today. I did contemplate the thought of suicide; I did have to seek professional help when I was younger, for these thoughts and tendencies. I did exhibit self-mutilating behaviors at one point; I would burn my hand. Unfortunately suicide amongst young gay people is very high, especially among minorities. It impacted me for the better because I went the opposite direction, I went ultra positive with myself. I gave myself the emotional resources I needed to succeed in whatever I wanted to do.

Petz: How old were when you had the suicidal thoughts?

Kanwar: 18. It lasted 18 to 20. And 20, I formally got help; I took a pro-active role in my own coming out and living life.

Petz: When you came out, did anyone directly or indirectly tell you “Oh you should kill yourself!” “You are better off dead!” “You’re worthless!” “How can you call yourself a Sikh, when you’re gay?”

Kanwar: No, no one really said that, I’m lucky; I have three amazing older sisters that protect me from a lot of negative attitudes. If anyone said that, I didn’t hear it.

Petz: What took place, when you finally reached out and got help?

Kanwar: It was scary; my case wasn’t as severe as a lot of people. I was still a relatively stable person; I had some sort of control over myself. It was very humiliating, very embarrassing, it’s a different type of humiliation; it’s a humiliation at your own hand. Until you realize that it’s necessary, and it’s no longer humiliating – it’s just a reality. You tend to grow proud of what you’ve conquered. It helps you find a way to get past it, I took a very pro-active role in my life, and I attended a sexual assault group for men. The reason why I attended a sexual assault group for men was because a lot of my suicidal thoughts stems from the sexual abuse I endured. A lot of this stuff, I want to address through music, I’m doing it right now. I was sexually abused as a child for many years, during that time I also participated in sexual abuse and it was all within the family. I find this happens a lot within the community, I would say within the Punjabi community, first generation and so forth. There’s a lot of confusion to what sexual abuse is, what pederasty is – an older and younger person type of relationship. Some people think sexual abuse and pederasty are the same thing, but I feel there’s fine lines between the two. I was a part of the latter – the sexual abuse. This was all bubbling up inside me, in my late teens and early 20s. The humiliation and embarrassment came from that aspect, I just had to look at it in the face and deal with it.

(Petz) It’s rare for me to become speechless during an interview, normally I have my questions lined up, I have them memorized and I’m ready to have them answered. But after what he shared with me, a flood of emotions took over; I was truly in awed by Kanwar’s honesty and bravery. Sexual abuse for example tends to get swept under the carpet. Kanwar broke the silence, not just for himself, but for others who are going through the same suffering he went through as a child.

After I thanked him, Kanwar continues…

Kanwar: It’s not a problem, I don’t care whose pointing fingers at me, and I have the greatest family in the world. My sisters are truly amazing. The embarrassment in the community, none of that shit matters to me. Or what people are going to say about my family, I lost my mom when I was 16. I know she’s looking down at me, she knows I’m trying to help other people. There’s no sense in communal embarrassment or whatever people might fear. If I can be a voice in this community or any community for that matter, just by being me as an artist and what I’ve been through – so be it. I will take that bullet, I’m 29 now, I’ll do it and I’ll be loud about this. These are pervasive problems that no one addresses.

Petz: When you look at your mutilation scars, what comes to your mind?

Kanwar: My scars haven’t healed in fact they remain on my hand. I have areas of thin skin on my hand, which often flares up in eczema because I used to burn my hand. Even my two sisters don’t even know about this, I used to burn my hand with hot water. The group I attended when I was younger, I used to tell them the pain made me feel alive because I was so disconnected from myself. I created this reality for myself, to help myself cope with a lot of the pain inside. The pain on the outside of my body would help unify the pain within and it felt great. When I look at the patches of thin skin, it’s a constant reminder to just take care of myself. I need to take care of myself physically and emotionally. If I don’t take care of myself physically, these scars are just going to flare up again. If I don’t take care of myself emotionally, that was the cause; it’s a case of metaphysics becoming physics. I don’t doubt when my soul is trying to tell me something, I try to listen to it because I have scars on my hands. At one point of my life, I created a reality for myself; I was that strong in my mind – totally false. I just need to stay grounded and rooted. I need to take care of myself.

Petz: For the people who are thinking about killing themselves, what would you like to say to them?

Kanwar: It’s not fair for us to say it gets better. During the time, when I had these thoughts and feelings, you are literally physically, chemically in your brain; a different person. At this point, whatever you are going through, someone has it a lot worse. Imagine your threshold and imagine it way beyond what you think it is right now. You can get past whatever it is; I would encourage the readers to seek professional help too. It’s ok to talk to someone and to be in a professional setting with a group of people who are going through similar thoughts and tendencies. It doesn’t make you any less of a person; it will help pull yourself back from committing suicide.